Fake News Daily

Man Finds 6-Foot Python In Toilet

A Ucranian man crapped his pants after awakening when he lifted the lid on his toilet and found a snake curled inside, with its head sticking out of the bowl. With the help of his son, Zradko Bolotov caught the snake using an improvised noose and put it in a pillowcase. The reptile was confirmed to be a 6-foot African python. Experts said the serpent is just a baby, as African pythons get as big as 20 feet long or longer. Bolotov called his boss to tell him he'd be late because he'd had to

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February 25, 200521 yr

Serial Dater Caught Out

Scotland, UK. Police in Scotland have caught a serial dater who invited women for romantic meals at expensive restaurants, then ran off while laughing, leaving them to pay the bill. Police say that the tricky bastard, George Gotcha, 23, struck dozens of times in the town of Suceava in eastern Scotland. He was finally caught after restaurant owners were issued with a photofit image of his face and an used condom. Five women have so far come forward to officially register a complaint against G

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April 20, 200521 yr

Hall of Justice pronounces

After the US made public its <a href="http://www.gamingcr.com/forums/blog/xygvot/index.php?cmd=showentry&eid=17">plans to invade Mars</a> last thursday, the Hall of Justice has come to a decision. Based upon proofs provided by the US Army, in which is stated that Marvin the Martian is a tiranic military dictator, Hall of Justice's current president, Lex Luthor, has declarated as "completely dumb and stupid" Bush's intenti

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February 21, 200521 yr

Pawned Computer Had Cow Porn

Bahalad, Morocco. A Bahalad pawn shop owner is credited with directing police to an alleged cow porn suspect. Police say a 43-year-old morocco man left 304 images of bovine pornography on a computer he brought into a pawn shop. Mohammed Albahad was arrested over the weekend. Police say Albahad was trying to get cash when he sold his laptop to National Pawn & Casinos, last week. The store's owner spotted cow pornography on the laptop this Wednesday. Bahalad County Police & Camel Trans

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April 14, 200521 yr

Warcraft 3: 1.18 out!

Today, Battle.net admins released a statement in which they claim that the anticipated patch 1.18 for their RTS hit The Frozen Throne, has been put on beta testing on the WestFall Server.Changes include:Night Elves:-New: Warden Fan of Knives nerfed to 0,0001 hp damage for every hit. Overuse of this ability will make the Warden dizzy and slow at walking, approaching to realistic simulation of real life physics.-New: Warden Blink ability will only be able to be used once a day, the use of the abil

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795 views

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February 16, 200521 yr

Toothpaste screws boy's puberty

A 12 year old kid at West Virginia, IL, USA, has been reported to have an abnormal penis enlargement as a side effect due to the extensive use of a toothpaste."He used the toothpaste three times a day, just like everybody else" said worried mother Jansen Longwood.This is the third case reported worldwide, the first two coming from South Afrika. The toothpaste brand has not made a public announcement referring to the incident for now, but it is known that both, the kid's family and the involved c

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February 16, 200521 yr

Rasta Aims Wrong Target

A Jamaican man with a longheld grudge against a dentist tried to run him over - but got the wrong dentist. Yamile Woodstick, 47, from Kingston, hated the dentist after he allegedly pulled out the wrong teeth in 1994, and then botched the repair work. The anger boiled over after a heavy drinking & marihuana session, and the man climbed into his car to drive to the dental surgery to tell the dentist what he thought of him. But he confused his dentist with another dentist who, by chance, was

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690 views

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April 15, 200521 yr

Man Lodged Toothbrush in Rectum

Manchuria, China. A toothbrush was used to relieve a different "cavity" when a geriatric dumbass decided to use the dental instrument to scratch his hemorrhoids. The 79-year-old man ordered into the hospital after the toothbrush became lodged in his rectum. An X-ray revealed it was deep inside near his pelvis. Although this was first recorded case of a toothbrush having to be removed from the rectum, the Manchurian Dental-Anal Journal reports doctors have recovered toothb

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April 25, 200521 yr

Lawyer Accidentally Sues Self

Salt Lake City, Utah, US. Recent court documents made public this Tuesday, suggest that Jack Thompson, a lawyer known for his crusade against things including videogames, puppies, granny porn and electricity, accidentally sued himself in a class-action lawsuit filed two weeks ago in Florida district court. In The Association for Moral Judgment vs. Various Sons of Biatches, Thompson lays out a litigious framework so broad that he may have in fact sued ever

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621 views

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April 5, 200521 yr

Man naked waist down nabbed after chase

Manteca, California, US. A suspect with no pants or underwear on broke his ankles trying to flee from Ripon Police Wednesday. Jonas M. Navarrete, 30, of Manteca, was apprehended on the roof of a shed and taken to San Joaquin County Hospital at around 9 p.m. The entire affair began when Ripon police officers noticed a black BMX bycicle around 8 p.m. that had a defective headlamp and had made an illegal left turn. Officers tried to stop the BMX as it entered southbound Highway 99, and a pursui

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February 22, 200521 yr

Doll Sparks Bomb Alert At Postoffice

Casablanca, Morocco. A blow-up sex doll sparked a bomb alert in a Morocco post office after it started to vibrate inside a package awaiting delivery, police said Wednesday. "Workers almost shat their pants when it began vibrating and made strange noises like 'Yeah yeah!' and 'Hannibal is sexy!'," a spokesman for police in the eastern city of Casablanca said. "They were worried the package might be a sex bomb." Officers brought the sender to the scene and

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March 17, 200521 yr

Suicidal Hillbilly Sues Officers

Knoxville, Texas, US. Thomas Martin McGoodrich, 41, apparently set on committing suicide, left a note and painted a bull's-eye on his body before arranging a standoff in which he pointed a gun at police officers so they would kill him in self-defense. McGoodrich's scheme failed because Knox County sheriff's deputies, who fired 28 shots at him, missed 27 and only grazed his shoulder with the other. McGoodrich will be suing the state of Texas and the Knox County sheriffs for incompetence. &

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March 28, 200521 yr

Upset With Penile Surgery Mails Bomb

Bucharest, Romania. A man allegedly unhappy with penile-enlargement surgery he underwent mailed explosives to a Romanian plastic surgeon, according to a federal grand jury indictment. Blakov Moronivov, 24, allegedly made an explosive device that included a model-rocket engine igniter inside a fridge box, the federal indictment said. Moronivov drove to North Bucharest, last Saturday and mailed the box, but then drive home to Braila, called 911, and turned himself in, according to the indictmen

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April 18, 200521 yr

Surgery waits man for drastic measures

Galati, Romania. A Romanian man ended up in hospital after putting a piece of string around his penis to avoid going to the toilet. Vasile Barbulescu now faces months of complicated surgery to correct the damage caused, according to local press. He was taken to a hospital in Galati, south-eastern Romania, where he admitted wrapping string around his penis to put off going to the toilet until he got home. Doctors say they are unsure whether they can repair the damage and say he faces repeated

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February 18, 200521 yr

Inmates' Boredom Provokes Chaos

Dumbeley, Washington, US. Mario Juárez Pereira, general manager of the Dumbeley County Public Service Sewer District And Pedopholist Center, said the county has spent approximately $11,000 to clear out the jams during the past six months and more than 200 hours of inmigrate and underpayed labor, provoked from inmate boredom. "We know that inmates are likely to flush inappropriate things in an attempt to flood cells, or in an attempt, just out of boredom, of something else to do</i&

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April 13, 200521 yr

Friend Meeting Ends Violently

Canuckheads, Canada. A recent police report states that a riot took place in a yet undisclosed area of Canuckheads forest, where a supposed close gang of friends turned out into a punch fest. According to local Canuckheads Sheriff Morgan Weedlegg, subjects were "under high influence of drugs and alcohol, like weed and vodka". It all turn violent when "that gay bear, from all of a sudden, started to say that he loved us and tried to hug us all," said a dr

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546 views

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March 7, 200521 yr

Pets Save More Relationships

Mafoila, Montana, US. Forget Dr. Corazón, pets are the best medicine when it comes to maintaining a relationship. Rachela Crocó, author of the book, "The Ape and I: Why It's So Easy to Love an Animal, and So Hard to Live with a Man", says when couples share a pet, they become closer and see their own faults in their animals. For instance, Crocó says she once shared her pet ape with an ex-boyfriend and began to see her own personality traits reflected in the ape, such as se

2 Comments
535 views

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March 14, 200521 yr

US plans on Mars invasion

Washington D.C., USA. Majors Stratton Hooligan and Grean Berrett made a public announcement in which is stated the United States will to invade planet Mars. Among the reasons named for such a decision are: -"Secret video shown Saturday morning reveals that Marvin the Martian is a brutal military dictator." -"Return peace, democracy and liberty to all martians."&l

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February 17, 200521 yr

Cargo Worker Takes Unexpected Trip

Milwaukee, US. An airport worker loading baggage in Milwaukee got locked inside the cargo hold of an airplane that flew to Thailand. The worker, Juanillo Anderson, was “freaked out”, with some injuries from some bronco horses held within the cargo zone, a spokeswoman for Midwest Airlines said Friday. The cargo hold was heated and pressurized and full of bronco shiat. The man was stowing a wheelchair aboard the plane when other employees closed the cargo door because they di

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March 29, 200521 yr

Lamppost revenges from dog

Infiernillo, Alajuela, CR. A dog was electrocuted in Infiernillo when it urinated on a lamppost with a loose connection, I.C.E. officials in the town said today. The three-year old Argentinian mastiff named Güevon, was being walked by its owner in Infiernillo's fifth avenue, in northern Alajuela last evening. "It let out a yelp and died on the spot." told Jeffrey Potoy, a local neighbor who saw the incident. The owner, Jandy de la O, received a shock when he tried to help

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February 24, 200521 yr

Exclusive: Leaked Bocelli photoshoot pic

We've got an exclusive picture leaked from the latest Andrea Bocelli's photoshoot for his Latin America Tour. His concert was this past Saturday, with the assistance of who knows how many people. <center><img src="http://server3.uploadit.org/files/xYGVOT-bocelli_by_xygvot.jpg"></center>

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492 views

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March 4, 200521 yr

Fantasy Puppet Sues Jackson

Rome, Italy Achieving a life-long dream, the wooden puppet Pinocchio, turned into a true flesh and blood boy today and immediately announced his intentions to sue pop star Michael Jackson for molestation. "Now that I'm a real boy, I can finally get some recourse for the years of abuse I've suffered at the hands of Michael Jackson," said a tearful Pinocchio at a news conference arranged outside his home in a quiet section of Rome. "Maybe my suff

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March 10, 200521 yr

Pentagon TV To Invade Your Living Room

Washington DC, US. The Bush administration will do just about anything to manipulate public opinion by producing their own news network: the Pentagon Channel, brought to you by the Defense Department. Defense Department TV execs say it'll be "a mix between Ripley's, Aljazeera and MTV's Jackass," with military news and lifestyle shows, live briefings, wet t-shirt contests, and conduction by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in bikini with some guest appeara

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March 2, 200521 yr

Company Spends Millions On Squirrels

Münich, Germany. A chocolate company CEO has spent millions of dollars training squirrels to crack nuts for his production line. "Turkish kids ain't fast enough", said Schaisse Schokolade Corp. CEO, Herrmann Himmler. "We got zo feed zem, but zeem started zo complain about ze dog food we gave zem, zo apart from making $0.5 an hour, zey complained!" Two thousand assasin squirrels have been imported from New Zealand to Schaisse Schokolade instalations. For

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April 8, 200521 yr

Soccer To Test Ball With Microchip

Stockholm, Sweden. A soccer ball containing a microchip that beeps when it crosses the goal line will be tested at this year's South Afrikan club championship. The International Football Association Board, which makes the rules for world soccer, agreed to the trial Saturday at its annual general meeting. The microchip ball, which was produced in part by Anonas, was used in a game between Furuchanga and Nobotci on Monday in South Afrika. When the ball crosses the line, the microchip transmits

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March 1, 200521 yr

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