Fake News Daily

Warcraft 3: 1.18 out!

Today, Battle.net admins released a statement in which they claim that the anticipated patch 1.18 for their RTS hit The Frozen Throne, has been put on beta testing on the WestFall Server.Changes include:Night Elves:-New: Warden Fan of Knives nerfed to 0,0001 hp damage for every hit. Overuse of this ability will make the Warden dizzy and slow at walking, approaching to realistic simulation of real life physics.-New: Warden Blink ability will only be able to be used once a day, the use of the abil

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February 16, 200521 yr

Toothpaste screws boy's puberty

A 12 year old kid at West Virginia, IL, USA, has been reported to have an abnormal penis enlargement as a side effect due to the extensive use of a toothpaste."He used the toothpaste three times a day, just like everybody else" said worried mother Jansen Longwood.This is the third case reported worldwide, the first two coming from South Afrika. The toothpaste brand has not made a public announcement referring to the incident for now, but it is known that both, the kid's family and the involved c

5 Comments
727 views

Guest
February 16, 200521 yr

Serial Dater Caught Out

Scotland, UK. Police in Scotland have caught a serial dater who invited women for romantic meals at expensive restaurants, then ran off while laughing, leaving them to pay the bill. Police say that the tricky bastard, George Gotcha, 23, struck dozens of times in the town of Suceava in eastern Scotland. He was finally caught after restaurant owners were issued with a photofit image of his face and an used condom. Five women have so far come forward to officially register a complaint against G

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1,140 views

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April 20, 200521 yr

Friend Meeting Ends Violently

Canuckheads, Canada. A recent police report states that a riot took place in a yet undisclosed area of Canuckheads forest, where a supposed close gang of friends turned out into a punch fest. According to local Canuckheads Sheriff Morgan Weedlegg, subjects were "under high influence of drugs and alcohol, like weed and vodka". It all turn violent when "that gay bear, from all of a sudden, started to say that he loved us and tried to hug us all," said a dr

3 Comments
546 views

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March 7, 200521 yr

Exclusive: Leaked Bocelli photoshoot pic

We've got an exclusive picture leaked from the latest Andrea Bocelli's photoshoot for his Latin America Tour. His concert was this past Saturday, with the assistance of who knows how many people. <center><img src="http://server3.uploadit.org/files/xYGVOT-bocelli_by_xygvot.jpg"></center>

2 Comments
492 views

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March 4, 200521 yr

Pets Save More Relationships

Mafoila, Montana, US. Forget Dr. Corazón, pets are the best medicine when it comes to maintaining a relationship. Rachela Crocó, author of the book, "The Ape and I: Why It's So Easy to Love an Animal, and So Hard to Live with a Man", says when couples share a pet, they become closer and see their own faults in their animals. For instance, Crocó says she once shared her pet ape with an ex-boyfriend and began to see her own personality traits reflected in the ape, such as se

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535 views

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March 14, 200521 yr

Lawyer Accidentally Sues Self

Salt Lake City, Utah, US. Recent court documents made public this Tuesday, suggest that Jack Thompson, a lawyer known for his crusade against things including videogames, puppies, granny porn and electricity, accidentally sued himself in a class-action lawsuit filed two weeks ago in Florida district court. In The Association for Moral Judgment vs. Various Sons of Biatches, Thompson lays out a litigious framework so broad that he may have in fact sued ever

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621 views

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April 5, 200521 yr

Rasta Aims Wrong Target

A Jamaican man with a longheld grudge against a dentist tried to run him over - but got the wrong dentist. Yamile Woodstick, 47, from Kingston, hated the dentist after he allegedly pulled out the wrong teeth in 1994, and then botched the repair work. The anger boiled over after a heavy drinking & marihuana session, and the man climbed into his car to drive to the dental surgery to tell the dentist what he thought of him. But he confused his dentist with another dentist who, by chance, was

2 Comments
690 views

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April 15, 200521 yr

US plans on Mars invasion

Washington D.C., USA. Majors Stratton Hooligan and Grean Berrett made a public announcement in which is stated the United States will to invade planet Mars. Among the reasons named for such a decision are: -"Secret video shown Saturday morning reveals that Marvin the Martian is a brutal military dictator." -"Return peace, democracy and liberty to all martians."&l

1 Comment
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February 17, 200521 yr

Surgery waits man for drastic measures

Galati, Romania. A Romanian man ended up in hospital after putting a piece of string around his penis to avoid going to the toilet. Vasile Barbulescu now faces months of complicated surgery to correct the damage caused, according to local press. He was taken to a hospital in Galati, south-eastern Romania, where he admitted wrapping string around his penis to put off going to the toilet until he got home. Doctors say they are unsure whether they can repair the damage and say he faces repeated

1 Comment
549 views

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February 18, 200521 yr

Man naked waist down nabbed after chase

Manteca, California, US. A suspect with no pants or underwear on broke his ankles trying to flee from Ripon Police Wednesday. Jonas M. Navarrete, 30, of Manteca, was apprehended on the roof of a shed and taken to San Joaquin County Hospital at around 9 p.m. The entire affair began when Ripon police officers noticed a black BMX bycicle around 8 p.m. that had a defective headlamp and had made an illegal left turn. Officers tried to stop the BMX as it entered southbound Highway 99, and a pursui

1 Comment
604 views

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February 22, 200521 yr

Game patch causes world chaos

Redmond, Seattle. Video Games hit developer, Blizzard Entertainment, has declared bankruptcy after their sales decreased, moments later after releasing patch 1.12 for their RTS game, StarCraft. "We got completely screwed up by the rally point", told Jimmy Cattler, Sales Department Director. Apparently, one of the patch features, changed the rally point from letter R+left mouse button to simply mouse left button. This

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February 24, 200521 yr

Lamppost revenges from dog

Infiernillo, Alajuela, CR. A dog was electrocuted in Infiernillo when it urinated on a lamppost with a loose connection, I.C.E. officials in the town said today. The three-year old Argentinian mastiff named Güevon, was being walked by its owner in Infiernillo's fifth avenue, in northern Alajuela last evening. "It let out a yelp and died on the spot." told Jeffrey Potoy, a local neighbor who saw the incident. The owner, Jandy de la O, received a shock when he tried to help

1 Comment
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February 24, 200521 yr

Pentagon TV To Invade Your Living Room

Washington DC, US. The Bush administration will do just about anything to manipulate public opinion by producing their own news network: the Pentagon Channel, brought to you by the Defense Department. Defense Department TV execs say it'll be "a mix between Ripley's, Aljazeera and MTV's Jackass," with military news and lifestyle shows, live briefings, wet t-shirt contests, and conduction by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in bikini with some guest appeara

1 Comment
487 views

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March 2, 200521 yr

Fantasy Puppet Sues Jackson

Rome, Italy Achieving a life-long dream, the wooden puppet Pinocchio, turned into a true flesh and blood boy today and immediately announced his intentions to sue pop star Michael Jackson for molestation. "Now that I'm a real boy, I can finally get some recourse for the years of abuse I've suffered at the hands of Michael Jackson," said a tearful Pinocchio at a news conference arranged outside his home in a quiet section of Rome. "Maybe my suff

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March 10, 200521 yr

Doll Sparks Bomb Alert At Postoffice

Casablanca, Morocco. A blow-up sex doll sparked a bomb alert in a Morocco post office after it started to vibrate inside a package awaiting delivery, police said Wednesday. "Workers almost shat their pants when it began vibrating and made strange noises like 'Yeah yeah!' and 'Hannibal is sexy!'," a spokesman for police in the eastern city of Casablanca said. "They were worried the package might be a sex bomb." Officers brought the sender to the scene and

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583 views

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March 17, 200521 yr

Suicidal Hillbilly Sues Officers

Knoxville, Texas, US. Thomas Martin McGoodrich, 41, apparently set on committing suicide, left a note and painted a bull's-eye on his body before arranging a standoff in which he pointed a gun at police officers so they would kill him in self-defense. McGoodrich's scheme failed because Knox County sheriff's deputies, who fired 28 shots at him, missed 27 and only grazed his shoulder with the other. McGoodrich will be suing the state of Texas and the Knox County sheriffs for incompetence. &

1 Comment
566 views

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March 28, 200521 yr

Cargo Worker Takes Unexpected Trip

Milwaukee, US. An airport worker loading baggage in Milwaukee got locked inside the cargo hold of an airplane that flew to Thailand. The worker, Juanillo Anderson, was “freaked out”, with some injuries from some bronco horses held within the cargo zone, a spokeswoman for Midwest Airlines said Friday. The cargo hold was heated and pressurized and full of bronco shiat. The man was stowing a wheelchair aboard the plane when other employees closed the cargo door because they di

1 Comment
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March 29, 200521 yr

Company Spends Millions On Squirrels

Münich, Germany. A chocolate company CEO has spent millions of dollars training squirrels to crack nuts for his production line. "Turkish kids ain't fast enough", said Schaisse Schokolade Corp. CEO, Herrmann Himmler. "We got zo feed zem, but zeem started zo complain about ze dog food we gave zem, zo apart from making $0.5 an hour, zey complained!" Two thousand assasin squirrels have been imported from New Zealand to Schaisse Schokolade instalations. For

1 Comment
478 views

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April 8, 200521 yr

Inmates' Boredom Provokes Chaos

Dumbeley, Washington, US. Mario Juárez Pereira, general manager of the Dumbeley County Public Service Sewer District And Pedopholist Center, said the county has spent approximately $11,000 to clear out the jams during the past six months and more than 200 hours of inmigrate and underpayed labor, provoked from inmate boredom. "We know that inmates are likely to flush inappropriate things in an attempt to flood cells, or in an attempt, just out of boredom, of something else to do</i&

1 Comment
547 views

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April 13, 200521 yr

Pawned Computer Had Cow Porn

Bahalad, Morocco. A Bahalad pawn shop owner is credited with directing police to an alleged cow porn suspect. Police say a 43-year-old morocco man left 304 images of bovine pornography on a computer he brought into a pawn shop. Mohammed Albahad was arrested over the weekend. Police say Albahad was trying to get cash when he sold his laptop to National Pawn & Casinos, last week. The store's owner spotted cow pornography on the laptop this Wednesday. Bahalad County Police & Camel Trans

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798 views

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April 14, 200521 yr

Dalai Lama cancels quickie marriage

The Dalai Lama returned to Spain for the first time since his Euro tour last fall. While at first the nature of this visit was unknown, it was soon discovered that the Dalai Lama had come back to Barcelona to get an annulment for his whirlwind marriage to Mariana Canseca, 22, an aerobics instructor from La Coruña.A spokesman for the Dalai claimed that the couple had "simply made a mistake. The Dalai Lama had originally perceived Miss Canseca as a 'kind and ancient soul of wisdom', but in retrosp

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394 views

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February 16, 200521 yr

Frenchies to stop nuclear tests

Paris, France. French President Jacques Cirac announced today the stop of nuclear tests in the East Indian sea. The ecologists' representative, Sponge Bob Squarepants, said this was a like a "big pineapple, baha!". Furthermore, the cooperation between both authorities will allow the preservation of endangered species (including indonesians), and prevent any more tsunamis in the area.

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366 views

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February 17, 200521 yr

Israeli leader molested by ghost

Tel Aviv, Israel. According to government representatives, israeli prime Minister, Ariel Sharon has had contact with the undying ghost of legendary palestinian leader, Yasser Arafat. Arafat has been making requests on behalf of his people by some unorthodox means. "He (Arafat) has been showing up in Sharon's dreams, mirrors, underwear and home toilets" states a reliable israeli source. <br

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439 views

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February 17, 200521 yr

Supplier sued for 'flatulent' footwear

The customer complaints were unrelenting: With every step they took, their shoe insoles made a very offensive sound: The sound of someone farting. "It very nearly put us out of business" said Garret Luna, an officer with Cousy Products Inc. The company had to throw away at least 35,000 pairs, said attorney Robert Cassuel. Cousy Products Inc. sued a former supplier, Marc Labs, accusing it of delivering the wrong chemical that caused bubbles to form inside the insoles. When

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388 views

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February 18, 200521 yr

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