Fake News Daily

Friend Meeting Ends Violently

Canuckheads, Canada. A recent police report states that a riot took place in a yet undisclosed area of Canuckheads forest, where a supposed close gang of friends turned out into a punch fest. According to local Canuckheads Sheriff Morgan Weedlegg, subjects were "under high influence of drugs and alcohol, like weed and vodka". It all turn violent when "that gay bear, from all of a sudden, started to say that he loved us and tried to hug us all," said a dr

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March 7, 200521 yr

Exclusive: Leaked Bocelli photoshoot pic

We've got an exclusive picture leaked from the latest Andrea Bocelli's photoshoot for his Latin America Tour. His concert was this past Saturday, with the assistance of who knows how many people. <center><img src="http://server3.uploadit.org/files/xYGVOT-bocelli_by_xygvot.jpg"></center>

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March 4, 200521 yr

Woman Accused Of Naked Dog Wrestling

Fresco, Canberra, Australia. A 40-year-old woman described as a transient was jailed in Fresco -- accused of jumping a fence to wrestle naked with a dog. The arrest description indicated that Katherine McAshole scaled the four-foot fence just before midnight Thursday, then stripped in order to wrestle with the male Labrador retriever-blue heeler mix. Residents of the home awoke from the noise and called police. Responding officers said McAshole told them she was having sex with the dog, and

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March 4, 200521 yr

Chimps Escape And Attack Staff

Tubo Caliente, California, US. Several chimpanzees escaped from their cages at an animal sanctuary and attacked workers, injuring two and abusing a woman, authorities said. At least one chimp was shot to death. One of the employees was badly injured when an chimp got a banana up his behind, and had to be airlifted to a hospital after the attack at the Animal Haven Ranch, about 20 miles from Bakersfield, said Cheryl Longwith, a sheriff's spokeswoman. The other employee's condition was not dis

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March 4, 200521 yr

Pentagon TV To Invade Your Living Room

Washington DC, US. The Bush administration will do just about anything to manipulate public opinion by producing their own news network: the Pentagon Channel, brought to you by the Defense Department. Defense Department TV execs say it'll be "a mix between Ripley's, Aljazeera and MTV's Jackass," with military news and lifestyle shows, live briefings, wet t-shirt contests, and conduction by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in bikini with some guest appeara

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March 2, 200521 yr

Soccer To Test Ball With Microchip

Stockholm, Sweden. A soccer ball containing a microchip that beeps when it crosses the goal line will be tested at this year's South Afrikan club championship. The International Football Association Board, which makes the rules for world soccer, agreed to the trial Saturday at its annual general meeting. The microchip ball, which was produced in part by Anonas, was used in a game between Furuchanga and Nobotci on Monday in South Afrika. When the ball crosses the line, the microchip transmits

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March 1, 200521 yr

Nacho Man Gets Probation

Sidney, Australia. A man caught by police last Monday on his 23rd birthday running naked and covered in nacho cheese pleaded guilty this morning to burglary and four other charges. Nash Frodlidge of Idiotville appeared before Blount County Circuit Court Judge D. Kelly Fante and pleaded guilty to burglary, theft, vandalism, indecent exposure and public intoxication. In a plea bargain with prosecutors, Frodlidge was sentenced to three years in prison but was given supervised probation. He also

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March 1, 200521 yr

Men Upset With McHammed's Threaten To Bomb

Hillbilly Town, TX, US. A statewide alert remained in effect in Texas Friday for two men accused of threatening to blow up the Pentagon. Hillbilly Town authorities and officials with the FBI and the Texas Department of Public Safety said a man in his 50s and a man in his 40s were apparently upset with the food and service at a McHammed's restaurant in Hillbilly Town, Texas, at about 2 p.m. Thursday when they made the alleged threats. The manager notified Hillbilly Town police about the threat

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February 28, 200521 yr

Man Accused of Raping Cows

Jalisco City, Mx. Manuel Felipe Gutiérrez, 63-year-old man is charged with sexual gratification with an animal for allegedly having sex with calves. A criminal complaint filed in Morelia Municipal Court said the farm's owners installed a motion detector after regularly seeing footprints and vehicle tracks on their land. Around 4 a.m. the next morning, a sensor sounded and Gutiérrez was caught leaving the barn, but Gutiérrez allegedly said he just used a bathroom in the barn and had never been

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February 28, 200521 yr

Man Finds 6-Foot Python In Toilet

A Ucranian man crapped his pants after awakening when he lifted the lid on his toilet and found a snake curled inside, with its head sticking out of the bowl. With the help of his son, Zradko Bolotov caught the snake using an improvised noose and put it in a pillowcase. The reptile was confirmed to be a 6-foot African python. Experts said the serpent is just a baby, as African pythons get as big as 20 feet long or longer. Bolotov called his boss to tell him he'd be late because he'd had to

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February 25, 200521 yr

Extreme disturbance in Earth’s core

Geologists in India and the rest of the world are receiving signals of a very disturbed mantel and core of the earth. According to some computer models, the outer core and the mantel is getting extremely heated. This can cause extreme tension on the earth’s crust and the tectonic plates. The net result can be increased earthquakes and volcanoes. The reports coming from every continent says that the volcanoes, geysers and mud volcanoes all are ready to explode. "It [eart

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February 25, 200521 yr

Lamppost revenges from dog

Infiernillo, Alajuela, CR. A dog was electrocuted in Infiernillo when it urinated on a lamppost with a loose connection, I.C.E. officials in the town said today. The three-year old Argentinian mastiff named Güevon, was being walked by its owner in Infiernillo's fifth avenue, in northern Alajuela last evening. "It let out a yelp and died on the spot." told Jeffrey Potoy, a local neighbor who saw the incident. The owner, Jandy de la O, received a shock when he tried to help

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February 24, 200521 yr

Game patch causes world chaos

Redmond, Seattle. Video Games hit developer, Blizzard Entertainment, has declared bankruptcy after their sales decreased, moments later after releasing patch 1.12 for their RTS game, StarCraft. "We got completely screwed up by the rally point", told Jimmy Cattler, Sales Department Director. Apparently, one of the patch features, changed the rally point from letter R+left mouse button to simply mouse left button. This

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February 24, 200521 yr

Airplane crashes, virus could be the cause

Poitiers, France. A Kaboom Airlines flight crashed-landed this evening, when the laser guidance system failed, reported Poitiers Airport authorities. All passengers seem to be alright, except for some minor missfortunes: "Several people shat their pants, but that's all" told Jean Pillé, involved pilot in the accident. "We got <a href="http://starmen.net/contests/aoe/67/CabezaGrande2.gif">this<a> and we had to reboot the system 3 times in a row</i&g

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February 23, 200521 yr

Weatherman shot down for "lying"

St. Petersburg, Russia. A weather forecaster was shot last night when visiting a restaurant in downtown St. Petersburg by a citizen. The citizen, Bjaru Dotlavsky, said he shot local weatherman, Jail Nerov, because "he said on the news, it wasn't going to snow today, and i almost drowned in the goddamn 12" of snow" that fell that afternoon. Nerov is recovering from a shotgun wound in his chest at St. Petersburg Hospital. "They [weather forecasters]<i

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February 23, 200521 yr

Man naked waist down nabbed after chase

Manteca, California, US. A suspect with no pants or underwear on broke his ankles trying to flee from Ripon Police Wednesday. Jonas M. Navarrete, 30, of Manteca, was apprehended on the roof of a shed and taken to San Joaquin County Hospital at around 9 p.m. The entire affair began when Ripon police officers noticed a black BMX bycicle around 8 p.m. that had a defective headlamp and had made an illegal left turn. Officers tried to stop the BMX as it entered southbound Highway 99, and a pursui

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February 22, 200521 yr

Hall of Justice pronounces

After the US made public its <a href="http://www.gamingcr.com/forums/blog/xygvot/index.php?cmd=showentry&eid=17">plans to invade Mars</a> last thursday, the Hall of Justice has come to a decision. Based upon proofs provided by the US Army, in which is stated that Marvin the Martian is a tiranic military dictator, Hall of Justice's current president, Lex Luthor, has declarated as "completely dumb and stupid" Bush's intenti

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February 21, 200521 yr

Police with new resources

Camberra, Australia. At the Camberra Police Department, work has been getting quite busy. Robbery and criminal activity has increased twice since last year. So to help the force to battle this out, Camberran Police Chief, Dan Lutella has recruited new police dogs. "These dogs are very special" states Lutella, when asked about what's so special about these dogs he says: "[...] they can pick up a gun, and aim and shoot you down. We've been givin'em some drugs we'

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February 21, 200521 yr

Supplier sued for 'flatulent' footwear

The customer complaints were unrelenting: With every step they took, their shoe insoles made a very offensive sound: The sound of someone farting. "It very nearly put us out of business" said Garret Luna, an officer with Cousy Products Inc. The company had to throw away at least 35,000 pairs, said attorney Robert Cassuel. Cousy Products Inc. sued a former supplier, Marc Labs, accusing it of delivering the wrong chemical that caused bubbles to form inside the insoles. When

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February 18, 200521 yr

Surgery waits man for drastic measures

Galati, Romania. A Romanian man ended up in hospital after putting a piece of string around his penis to avoid going to the toilet. Vasile Barbulescu now faces months of complicated surgery to correct the damage caused, according to local press. He was taken to a hospital in Galati, south-eastern Romania, where he admitted wrapping string around his penis to put off going to the toilet until he got home. Doctors say they are unsure whether they can repair the damage and say he faces repeated

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February 18, 200521 yr

US plans on Mars invasion

Washington D.C., USA. Majors Stratton Hooligan and Grean Berrett made a public announcement in which is stated the United States will to invade planet Mars. Among the reasons named for such a decision are: -"Secret video shown Saturday morning reveals that Marvin the Martian is a brutal military dictator." -"Return peace, democracy and liberty to all martians."&l

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February 17, 200521 yr

Israeli leader molested by ghost

Tel Aviv, Israel. According to government representatives, israeli prime Minister, Ariel Sharon has had contact with the undying ghost of legendary palestinian leader, Yasser Arafat. Arafat has been making requests on behalf of his people by some unorthodox means. "He (Arafat) has been showing up in Sharon's dreams, mirrors, underwear and home toilets" states a reliable israeli source. <br

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February 17, 200521 yr

Frenchies to stop nuclear tests

Paris, France. French President Jacques Cirac announced today the stop of nuclear tests in the East Indian sea. The ecologists' representative, Sponge Bob Squarepants, said this was a like a "big pineapple, baha!". Furthermore, the cooperation between both authorities will allow the preservation of endangered species (including indonesians), and prevent any more tsunamis in the area.

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February 17, 200521 yr

Toothpaste screws boy's puberty

A 12 year old kid at West Virginia, IL, USA, has been reported to have an abnormal penis enlargement as a side effect due to the extensive use of a toothpaste."He used the toothpaste three times a day, just like everybody else" said worried mother Jansen Longwood.This is the third case reported worldwide, the first two coming from South Afrika. The toothpaste brand has not made a public announcement referring to the incident for now, but it is known that both, the kid's family and the involved c

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February 16, 200521 yr

Dalai Lama cancels quickie marriage

The Dalai Lama returned to Spain for the first time since his Euro tour last fall. While at first the nature of this visit was unknown, it was soon discovered that the Dalai Lama had come back to Barcelona to get an annulment for his whirlwind marriage to Mariana Canseca, 22, an aerobics instructor from La Coruña.A spokesman for the Dalai claimed that the couple had "simply made a mistake. The Dalai Lama had originally perceived Miss Canseca as a 'kind and ancient soul of wisdom', but in retrosp

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February 16, 200521 yr

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