Fake News Daily

Youngster Almost Dies During Contest

Kiila City Beach, LA, US. A college spring breaker from Mushroomer was seriously injured when he fell from a balcony during a spitting contest in Kiila City Beach, LA, according to police. Marlon McBrutus, 19, of Hazleton, Mushroomer, was on the second floor of the Afrika Best Value Inn about midnight this Tuesday when he leaned over the railing, lost his grip and fell onto concrete during a contest to see who could spit the farthest, said police Maj. Doo

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March 16, 200521 yr

Woman Accused Of Naked Dog Wrestling

Fresco, Canberra, Australia. A 40-year-old woman described as a transient was jailed in Fresco -- accused of jumping a fence to wrestle naked with a dog. The arrest description indicated that Katherine McAshole scaled the four-foot fence just before midnight Thursday, then stripped in order to wrestle with the male Labrador retriever-blue heeler mix. Residents of the home awoke from the noise and called police. Responding officers said McAshole told them she was having sex with the dog, and

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March 4, 200521 yr

Weatherman shot down for "lying"

St. Petersburg, Russia. A weather forecaster was shot last night when visiting a restaurant in downtown St. Petersburg by a citizen. The citizen, Bjaru Dotlavsky, said he shot local weatherman, Jail Nerov, because "he said on the news, it wasn't going to snow today, and i almost drowned in the goddamn 12" of snow" that fell that afternoon. Nerov is recovering from a shotgun wound in his chest at St. Petersburg Hospital. "They [weather forecasters]<i

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February 23, 200521 yr

Warcraft 3: 1.18 out!

Today, Battle.net admins released a statement in which they claim that the anticipated patch 1.18 for their RTS hit The Frozen Throne, has been put on beta testing on the WestFall Server.Changes include:Night Elves:-New: Warden Fan of Knives nerfed to 0,0001 hp damage for every hit. Overuse of this ability will make the Warden dizzy and slow at walking, approaching to realistic simulation of real life physics.-New: Warden Blink ability will only be able to be used once a day, the use of the abil

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February 16, 200521 yr

US plans on Mars invasion

Washington D.C., USA. Majors Stratton Hooligan and Grean Berrett made a public announcement in which is stated the United States will to invade planet Mars. Among the reasons named for such a decision are: -"Secret video shown Saturday morning reveals that Marvin the Martian is a brutal military dictator." -"Return peace, democracy and liberty to all martians."&l

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February 17, 200521 yr

Upset With Penile Surgery Mails Bomb

Bucharest, Romania. A man allegedly unhappy with penile-enlargement surgery he underwent mailed explosives to a Romanian plastic surgeon, according to a federal grand jury indictment. Blakov Moronivov, 24, allegedly made an explosive device that included a model-rocket engine igniter inside a fridge box, the federal indictment said. Moronivov drove to North Bucharest, last Saturday and mailed the box, but then drive home to Braila, called 911, and turned himself in, according to the indictmen

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April 18, 200521 yr

Toothpaste screws boy's puberty

A 12 year old kid at West Virginia, IL, USA, has been reported to have an abnormal penis enlargement as a side effect due to the extensive use of a toothpaste."He used the toothpaste three times a day, just like everybody else" said worried mother Jansen Longwood.This is the third case reported worldwide, the first two coming from South Afrika. The toothpaste brand has not made a public announcement referring to the incident for now, but it is known that both, the kid's family and the involved c

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February 16, 200521 yr

Third Time Unlucky

St. Petersburg, Russia. It was a case of third time unlucky for a hapless but determined Croatian thief who was arrested three times on the same day for three different crimes, a report said. Identified only as Merlin, the 34-year-old was caught breaking into a car on this Tuesday morning and taken to a police station in the St. Petersburg suburb of Idza, the Idza Police Dept. reported. He was released after giving a statement but returned a few hours later after causing a car accident in ano

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March 15, 200521 yr

Terrorists Plot Icon Kidnap

JohnesVille, Utah, US. In one of the more bizarre terror plots hatched by al-Qaeda, universal icon Barney was the target of a kidnapping scheme as part of a "cultural destabilisation plan". Barney has revealed he was approached by the FBI in the months leading up to his Grammy Award win for Barney's Gangbang DVD in 2001 and warned, vaguely, of the threat: "That was the first [time] I'd ever heard the phrase al-Qaeda. It was about - and here's anot

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March 8, 200521 yr

Surgery waits man for drastic measures

Galati, Romania. A Romanian man ended up in hospital after putting a piece of string around his penis to avoid going to the toilet. Vasile Barbulescu now faces months of complicated surgery to correct the damage caused, according to local press. He was taken to a hospital in Galati, south-eastern Romania, where he admitted wrapping string around his penis to put off going to the toilet until he got home. Doctors say they are unsure whether they can repair the damage and say he faces repeated

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February 18, 200521 yr

Supplier sued for 'flatulent' footwear

The customer complaints were unrelenting: With every step they took, their shoe insoles made a very offensive sound: The sound of someone farting. "It very nearly put us out of business" said Garret Luna, an officer with Cousy Products Inc. The company had to throw away at least 35,000 pairs, said attorney Robert Cassuel. Cousy Products Inc. sued a former supplier, Marc Labs, accusing it of delivering the wrong chemical that caused bubbles to form inside the insoles. When

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February 18, 200521 yr

Suicidal Hillbilly Sues Officers

Knoxville, Texas, US. Thomas Martin McGoodrich, 41, apparently set on committing suicide, left a note and painted a bull's-eye on his body before arranging a standoff in which he pointed a gun at police officers so they would kill him in self-defense. McGoodrich's scheme failed because Knox County sheriff's deputies, who fired 28 shots at him, missed 27 and only grazed his shoulder with the other. McGoodrich will be suing the state of Texas and the Knox County sheriffs for incompetence. &

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March 28, 200521 yr

Star Farts III Will Be "darker"

Lagues, Nigeria. Porn actor and filmmaker Jorge Luckass says his upcoming sixth and final installment in the blockbuster "Star Farts" film franchise is the darkest and most odor of the series, and is likely to be the first movie in the six-film set to land a more restrictive rating than PG. "I don't think I would take a 5- or 6-year-old to this," Luckass said in a FBS "60 Seconds" interview. "My feeling is that it will probably

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March 11, 200521 yr

Star Farts Dumb Fans Won't Listen

Utah, US. Star Farts fans who have spent the last seven weeks queuing for the opening of the new film have been told they are camping outside the wrong cinema. Fans camping outside the Christian Center And Porn Theatre 2000, in Clodwood, read on Fake News Daily newspaper, that <a href="http://www.gamingcr.com/forums/blog/xygvot/index.php?cmd=showentry&eid=89">Star Farts: Episode III - Revenge of the Molinas</a> will open

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April 8, 200521 yr

Soccer To Test Ball With Microchip

Stockholm, Sweden. A soccer ball containing a microchip that beeps when it crosses the goal line will be tested at this year's South Afrikan club championship. The International Football Association Board, which makes the rules for world soccer, agreed to the trial Saturday at its annual general meeting. The microchip ball, which was produced in part by Anonas, was used in a game between Furuchanga and Nobotci on Monday in South Afrika. When the ball crosses the line, the microchip transmits

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March 1, 200521 yr

Serial Dater Caught Out

Scotland, UK. Police in Scotland have caught a serial dater who invited women for romantic meals at expensive restaurants, then ran off while laughing, leaving them to pay the bill. Police say that the tricky bastard, George Gotcha, 23, struck dozens of times in the town of Suceava in eastern Scotland. He was finally caught after restaurant owners were issued with a photofit image of his face and an used condom. Five women have so far come forward to officially register a complaint against G

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April 20, 200521 yr

Robot To Help Cancer Diagnosis

London, England. British scientists are developing a tiny robot to fit inside human anus, which will improve the accuracy of biopsies taken to screen for prostate cancer. Needle biopsies are currently taken from the prostate using ultrasound technology to detect where the prostate gland is. But Dr Arthur Visceral, of Idiotic College London, told Fake News Daily that ultrasounds provided poor image quality, which makes knowing where to take the biopsy from difficult. "<i

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March 15, 200521 yr

Rasta Aims Wrong Target

A Jamaican man with a longheld grudge against a dentist tried to run him over - but got the wrong dentist. Yamile Woodstick, 47, from Kingston, hated the dentist after he allegedly pulled out the wrong teeth in 1994, and then botched the repair work. The anger boiled over after a heavy drinking & marihuana session, and the man climbed into his car to drive to the dental surgery to tell the dentist what he thought of him. But he confused his dentist with another dentist who, by chance, was

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April 15, 200521 yr

Prosecutors Announced Dog in Murder Case

Buthpark, Ark, US. Prosecutors hoping for a witness in a murder case to roll over were barking up the wrong tree. They sent out a batch of announcement for anyone who had contact with Marlon Feliciano while he was jailed awaiting his murder trial. One of those announcement went out to 5-year-old Murphy Feliciano - Feliciano's dog, it turned out. The defendant had written his dog a letter from his cell, and that is how the dog's name got on the witness list. Prosecutors realized the mistake o

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March 10, 200521 yr

Police with new resources

Camberra, Australia. At the Camberra Police Department, work has been getting quite busy. Robbery and criminal activity has increased twice since last year. So to help the force to battle this out, Camberran Police Chief, Dan Lutella has recruited new police dogs. "These dogs are very special" states Lutella, when asked about what's so special about these dogs he says: "[...] they can pick up a gun, and aim and shoot you down. We've been givin'em some drugs we'

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February 21, 200521 yr

Pets Save More Relationships

Mafoila, Montana, US. Forget Dr. Corazón, pets are the best medicine when it comes to maintaining a relationship. Rachela Crocó, author of the book, "The Ape and I: Why It's So Easy to Love an Animal, and So Hard to Live with a Man", says when couples share a pet, they become closer and see their own faults in their animals. For instance, Crocó says she once shared her pet ape with an ex-boyfriend and began to see her own personality traits reflected in the ape, such as se

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March 14, 200521 yr

Pentagon TV To Invade Your Living Room

Washington DC, US. The Bush administration will do just about anything to manipulate public opinion by producing their own news network: the Pentagon Channel, brought to you by the Defense Department. Defense Department TV execs say it'll be "a mix between Ripley's, Aljazeera and MTV's Jackass," with military news and lifestyle shows, live briefings, wet t-shirt contests, and conduction by Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in bikini with some guest appeara

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March 2, 200521 yr

Pawned Computer Had Cow Porn

Bahalad, Morocco. A Bahalad pawn shop owner is credited with directing police to an alleged cow porn suspect. Police say a 43-year-old morocco man left 304 images of bovine pornography on a computer he brought into a pawn shop. Mohammed Albahad was arrested over the weekend. Police say Albahad was trying to get cash when he sold his laptop to National Pawn & Casinos, last week. The store's owner spotted cow pornography on the laptop this Wednesday. Bahalad County Police & Camel Trans

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April 14, 200521 yr

One More Animal Abuser Caught

Buchilanga, Nigeria. A nigerian man on trial for having sex with dogs claims he "did it out of compassion for man's best friend", a Court report stated this morning. Buchilanga County Major Court reported the 26-year old in the eastern Nigerian town of Genkojucha, told the court he had sex with dogs "out of love for animals," since a lot of them can't have sex, especially those locked up in refuges. The man, only identified by his initials, could face six

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March 18, 200521 yr

Nacho Man Gets Probation

Sidney, Australia. A man caught by police last Monday on his 23rd birthday running naked and covered in nacho cheese pleaded guilty this morning to burglary and four other charges. Nash Frodlidge of Idiotville appeared before Blount County Circuit Court Judge D. Kelly Fante and pleaded guilty to burglary, theft, vandalism, indecent exposure and public intoxication. In a plea bargain with prosecutors, Frodlidge was sentenced to three years in prison but was given supervised probation. He also

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March 1, 200521 yr

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